are you asleep?

Often I catch myself falling asleep, spiritually. It usually happens slowly, by being "too busy", easily distracted, or living inside my head instead of my heart. Inevitably, it happens. My spirit hibernates. This weekend I went on a retreat with some friends from Austin. Though I may still be on a "high" from intense conversation and making new friends, I feel God has stirred my soul. He has given me a nudge and reminded me to stay awake. To be present. And to seek Him. My life has more to do with him than it does me.

"...at the rate you live at, the Bible might never have been written, and Christ might never have died, the Apostles were foolish, the New Testament Christians madmen, and the salvation of the Gospel a needless thing. Oh, awake! and sleep no more." J.C. Ryle

In the times my soul is asleep something else takes over: sin. It's tough sometimes to figure out sins in my life that are preventing deeper relationship with Him. It's hard to pinpoint the sins that are not superficial or evident to the world. We all have things in our minds that keep us from God; I have a tendancy to just be nice, just to please those around me. But in my mind there is a battle being fought not many can see. A battle of perfection, of never being up to standard, of never being enough. I tell myself lies and in the end all it does is keep me from truly and openly loving others; being inwardly focused is blinding.

"I yield to none in wishes for your happiness, and my best wish is that you may be made a new creature in Christ Jesus. This is a better thing than riches, or health, or honour, or learning. A man may get to heaven without these, but he cannot get there without conversion. Verily if you die without having been born again you had far better never have been born at all. No man really lives till he lives unto God." J.C. Ryle

This is true community: to bear your soul to another with faith that love and grace will abound.